During my engagement and wedding-planning process, I picked up a few pearls of wisdom that I would love to share with every bride-to-be I know, but like me, they don't want some know-it-all jackass telling them what to do. If you're a bride, please read this and take it to heart. If you know a bride, print this out and send it to them in the mail with no return address. Better yet, leave a copy in their car so they don't have a handwriting sample to compare against their bridal shower cards...
- Marry a Man Whose Mother You Love I hate to brag, but I loved my husband's mother from the moment I met her. I knew that was a check in the "Win" column. When you marry a man, for better or for worse, his family, especially his mother, comes as a package deal. If you can't manage to enjoy a holiday or wouldn't trust leaving your future children in her care, either work to build a better relationship or give your pending marriage some serious thought. Hoping your mother-in-law will die soon is not cool or funny. Okay, it might be a little funny if you're half nuts yourself, but it's totally not cool.
- Don't Get Married At Your Friend's House No matter how cool the house or how epic the view, don't do it. What if one of your helpful helpers scratches the ceramic cooktop with a Brillo pad, breaks or loses an irreplaceable piece of art, or damages the furniture? It's not a hotel or reception venue you can just walk away from. It's your friend's house. It doesn't matter how generous and cool your friend is, don't do it. The stress of putting a personal relationship in jeporady over their white towels that someone ruined by mopping up the puddle of beer in the garage is totally not worth it. Stop daring to be different and rent a hotel ballroom for goodness sake.
- Hire a Wedding Planner. I know you don't want to spend any of your wedding budget on someone who you think is there to boss you around and take over, but chances are they won't, and even if they did, it would be money well spent. Wedding planners are creative, yet organized people whose only job is to make your day awesome. Choose wisely and then let them fuss over the details while you're focusing on your 9 to 5.
- Don't Talk About Your Wedding All the Time I know your big day is a big deal and you're excited about it, but your friends will quickly become bored and acquaintances will regret asking how the planning is coming along. And no matter what you may believe in your heart, your co-workers are just that: co-workers. Their desks may be near yours, and sometimes you might all go out for happy hour together, but don't mistake them for life-long friends. They don't care what brilliant ideas you have for your centerpieces. Invite them to the wedding if you choose to, but leave them out of the planning. It will make for a happier office. Just call your mom. If you don't have a mom, or if the one you have is nuts, post stuff on Facebook. You can still share your ideas with the people in your life. If anyone gets annoyed, they can just ignore you or temporarily block you. Your feelings won't be hurt because you'll have no idea they don't care. Win, win.
- Write a Budget and STICK TO IT Okay, okay...no one likes the word "budget." I get it. If it offends your delicate sensibilities, be a Dave Ramsey follower and call it a "Spending Plan." But whatever you do, keep track of how much you're spending and what you're spending it on. You may be paying for your own wedding. Good job, lady. If this is the case, you know how difficult it is to earn that money. Spend it wisely. If you have the fortune of having a fiance' or parent paying for the wedding, remember that you're spending someone else's money. Don't be a jerk. Keep your expectations within reason. With that being said...
- Don't Bake Your Own Wedding Cake If you're reading a cake blog, you're probably at least dabbling in the Cake Arts. Put down the spatula and come back to Earth. Multiple people told me not to bake my own wedding cake. But did I listen? Of course not...because I'm an arrogant a-hole. I thought those people lacked discipline, time-management skills, and vision. As it turns out, I'm the idiot. My cake sure tasted good, but it was uglier than sin. I won't even show it to you because I'm embarrassed. Its design was boring because I had too many other things on my agenda to do it how I had originally planned, and I was in such a hurry putting it together, with my hair in pin curls mind you, that it leaned to the right. If I had been going for the topsy turvy look, I would've half-way succeed. Please, for the love of God and all this is holy and good, don't bake your own wedding cake. Pass your favorite recipes to a cake-baker friend if you have one and move on!
- Don't Invite Everyone You Know to Join You in Dress Shopping Lucky for me, I avoided this successfully. I hate shopping for something as simple as work clothes with friends because they always have some skewed idea as to what my style is and what looks good on me. I can't even imagine taking them dress shopping. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, but I would rather (insert awful thing here) than go clothes shopping with them. And if I made an exception, there's no way I'm coming out of that dressing room... Anyway, your wedding dress is supposed to be a big deal. Take one or two people who love you and don't feel they need to always be right. If you don't know anyone who fits this description, go alone. If you love a dress, the people with you should be nothing but supportive in your decision. I'd like to thank my mother and mother-in-law for being the best dress shopping companions ever.
- If You Think You Look Fat in Your Dress, Stop Whining and Do Something About It Guilty. I've gained some extra weight over the last couple of years. Thanks a lot, yummy, yummy buttercream icing... I don't like to cry, and it's rare that I do, but I had a meltdown over how I looked my dress. I bought a gym membership but only went twice. Listen to the voice of regret. In a healthy way, lose some weight or learn how to use Photoshop. Whatever you do, don't wait until tomorrow.
- Don't Expect Your Friends to Do Everything You Want, Exactly How You Want You might think your friends will want to do every random task you ask of them, but they don't. They just want to relax, hang out with you, and maybe drink some beer. Let them. If you do put them to work, don't be mad if they can't read your mind and things don't turn out exactly how you want. Relax and don't take your stress out on them. You want to keep your friends, don't you?
- Take a Chill Pill and Relax Nothing will go as planned, but it's okay. Channel your inner Alicia Silverstone and learn to say, "Whatever" with moxie. I had contingency plans for wildfires, rain, and bears showing up for dinner, but I didn't have a plan for all the stuff that really did go wrong. Whatever. I doubt anyone noticed. And if they did, whatever. I doubt their wedding was, or will be, perfect either. Shrug your shoulders and move on.
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